Autocorrect Fails
by KlainerFangirl18
Summary: The phrase Damn You Autocorrect was never said so many times, with so much meaning. Mainly awkward fails between Kurt and Blaine but other characters included, mainly New Directions with a dash of Warblers. Told in Text Form, with a wee bit of smut.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** No, I do not own Glee, any of the characters from Glee, any of the actors on Glee, or any of the songs sang on Glee that I may mention below. (If I did, Kurt would've already been rapping. XD) And I also do not own Damn You Autocorrect . com, which is where I got the ideas for most of these! :

**Kurt:** Oh great, another humiliating story. *rolls eyes*

**Me:** Yeah, but this time it's your phones faults, not your own

**Blaine:** …I'm not sure whether that means we should be relieved, or humiliated.

**Me:** Yeah, me neither.

**Kurt:** …You gave us all weird contact names on each other's phones?

**Me:** Yeah, they should all be pretty obvious, and I think it's obvious who's talking to who, so you should be okay. Except for Blainey is with Kurt, and Blainers is with Jeff, but that should be obvious enough.

**Kurt:** Wait, everyone's involved here?

**Me:** Yeah, mostly you guys though. Like, you're in every one.

**Blaine:** A few of the Warblers are here too. Great. We're all making fools out ourselves.

**Me:** That's better than just making fools out of just yourself. *shrugs*

**Blaine:** …Actually…that's kind of true.

**Kurt:** How about none of us making a fool out of ourselves?

**Me:** Now where would be the fun in that?

**Kurt:** *cough*sadistic*cough*

**Me:** *ignore* Awkward time!

* * *

><p><strong>To:<strong> Blainey  
>No, honey, just going out with family to dinner -LTT<br>_4:45pm 1/17/12_

**From: **Blainey  
>Oh, where u guys goin? -LTT<br>_4:46pm 1/17/12_

**To: **Blainey  
>That new seafood place they opened<br>_4:48pm 1/17/12_

**From**: Blainey  
>Oh fancy! That place sounds good though<br>_4:49pm 1/17/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Yeah, I really wanted to try Sebastian afterwards<br>_4:50pm 1/17/12_

**From**: Blainey  
>…Um, what does that mean?<br>_4:51pm 1/17/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Kurt, I'm very worried now. Please answer your phone.<br>_4:55pm 1/17/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Kurt, I'm not kidding. I'm freaking out.<br>_4:58pm 1/17/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Kurt, I'm not kidding. I'll come over to your house, or to the restaurant. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?<br>_5:00pm 1/17/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Whoops, sorry, had to finish getting ready and I put my phone down without even noticing it autocorrected DX DAMN YOU AUTOCORRECT! What I *meant* to say was, "I've really wanted to try their sea bass for a while." Don't know HOW that autocorrected into what it did, but I didn't mean the Sebastian comment.<br>_5:03pm 1/17/12_

**To: **Blainey  
>Hello? Blaine?<br>_5:06pm 1/17/12_

**From: **Blainey  
>*sighs with relief* Oh thank god, it was only autocorrect. I was starting to get worried.<br>_5:07pm 1/17/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>I could see that. *raises eyebrow*<br>_5:08pm 1/17/12_

**From: **Blainey  
>Have a nice dinner, love. Tell me if you like it. Lobe you.<br>_5:09pm 1/17/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>DAMN AUTOCORRECT! I LOVE you. LOVE you. *throws phone* how does it even get Lobe from Love?<br>_5:09pm 1/17/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Haahaa, don't know… Anyway, I will. Lobe you too. *winks*<br>_5:10pm 1/17/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Kurtie  
>Hey, you there love?<br>_3:03pm 1/19/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>Hey-llo?<br>_3:13pm 1/19/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>Oops, sorry love. :-) Finn wanted to use the cockulator on my phone for a while, but I'm here now! ;-D<br>_3:13pm 1/19/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>OH DEAR GOD! NOT COCKULATOR! My *cockblocker*<br>_3:14pm 1/19/12_

_**From:**_Kurtie  
>Oh, my god, what is wrong with my phone? My *cocklater<br>_3:14pm 1/19/12_

**From: **Kurtie  
>Oh lordie, *Calculator*<br>_3:15pm 1/19/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>…Buahahaha! Cockulator!<br>_3:15pm 1/19/12_

**From: **Kurtie  
>You know what I meant!<br>_3:15pm 1/19/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>Can I use your cockulator? *winks* ;-P<br>_3:16pm 1/19/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>Oh dear lord, Blaine. *blushes* What does that even mean?<br>_3:16pm 1/19/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>*shrugs* Don't know, but there's something in there.<br>_3:17pm 1/19/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Kurtie  
>Hey sweetie, how's it going?<br>_1:10pm 1/22/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>Annoying the rest of New Directions by telling them how much I diss you.<br>_1:12pm 1/22/12_

**To: **Kurtie  
>Um…I don't know how to respond to that….<br>_1:13pm 1/22/12_

**From: **Kurtie  
>DAMN AUTOCORRECT! I mean to say, I am annoying the rest of New Directions by telling them how much I kiss you.<br>_1:14pm 1/22/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>*grrr, autocorrect* Miss you. How much I miss you….<br>_1:14pm 1/22/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>Awww, not how much you kiss me?<br>*hurt*  
><em>1:15pm 122/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>Well, that would work too. Miss you though. :( *le sigh*<br>_1:16pm 1/22/12_

**To: ** Kurtie  
>I'll be back soon. Love ya, sweaty.<br>_1:17pm 1/22/12_

**From: **Kurtie  
>? Um…did you just call me sweaty?<br>_1:18pm 1/22/12_

**To: **Kurtie  
>That was supposed to say sweetie...<br>_1:19pm 1/22/12_

**From: ** Kurtie  
>Oh… haha, damn autocorrect<br>_1:20pm 1/22/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From:** Blainey  
>I'm horny…<br>_12:15am 1/25/12_

**To: **Blainey  
>That's great, I'm tired<br>_12:16am 1/25/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Seriously, like, I need to have sex with you right now. *so horny*<br>_12:16am 1/25/12_

**To: **Blainey  
>That's nice, but I'm tired and seriously can't meet you right now. It's past twelve. My dad would never let me out of the house.<br>_12:17am 1/25/12_

**From: **Blainey  
>I could come over there….<br>_12:18am 1/25/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>I don't think he would like that….<br>_12:19am 1/25/12_

**From: **Blainey  
>I could climb through your window<br>_12:20am 1/25/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>You really are desperate, aren't you?<br>_12:21am 1/25/12_

**From: **Blainey  
>Yes…I'm serious. Like, I really need sex. Now.<br>_12:21am 1/25/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Weren't you once the one who said that was what masturbation was for?<br>_12:22am 1/25/12_

**From: **Blainey  
>It's a bummer to masturbate when I have you.<br>_12:23am 1/25/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Thanks, I think….But it's seriously not going to happen right now. You do realize this is basically a booty call. Well, text…<br>_12:23am 1/25/12_

**From: **Blainey  
>Can we sext?<br>_12:24am 1/25/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>OMG, NO! WHAT IF MY DAD SAW IT? And did you not read anything that I wrote?<br>_12:25am 1/25/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Yes, I saw it, and you're my boyfriend, so no, it's not a booty call. And just delete the sexts then! OMG! I NEED SEX IN SOME FORM!<br>_12:25am 1/25/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>*sighs* I'm not going to be able to sleep until I sext with you, are I?<br>_12:26am 1/25/12_

**From: **Blainey  
>Nope, probably not.<br>_12:26am 1/25/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Fine. Omg, I can't believe I'm doing this. *blushes*<br>_12:27am 1/25/12_

**From: **Blainey  
>It's okay. ;-) I'll take care of you. You just have to imagine my hands traveling down your body right now, slipping up under your shirt, tweaking your nipples<br>_12:27am 1/25/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Hehe, that's where your wrong. Not wearing any shirt…or pants…or underwear. ;-)<br>_12:28am 1/25/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Damn, you sleep naked? Now I really want to just lick my way down your stomach, right across your navel, and do I even have to say what I'm going to do next?<br>_12:29am 1/25/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>*moans* Please, please tell me.<br>_12:29am 1/25/12_

**From: **Blainey  
>Okay, okay. I love picturing you like you probably are now. All wanton and needy. It makes me want to suck your cock, just like a lollipop. Tasting your pre-come *groans* It's like candy.<br>_12:30am 1/25/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Oh my god, Blaine. *blushes* I thought <em>you<em> needed sex.  
><em>12:31am 125/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>I'd much rather make you cum. You're nice and relaxed than, right before I fuck you senseless. Deep throat you, bringing you right to the edge before you scream out, and then stop, leaving you wanton, panting, screaming<br>_12:32am 1/25/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>No don't do that Please please let me come<br>_12:33am 1/25/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>I bet you're jerking yourself off, huh? But I wouldn't let you come just yet. I would just sit back on my heels and look at you. Your beautiful, flushed body. Even your cock. Have I ever told you how pretty your Panini is?<br>_12:33am 1/25/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>WAIT, NOT YOUR PANINI! YOUR PENIS! Oh god. Well, there goes the mood.<br>_12:34am 1/25/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>… Buahahahaha! MY PANINI? No, you have never told me how pretty my Panini is. BUAHAHAHAHAHA!<br>_12:35am 1/25/12_

**From: **Blainey  
>Oh my god, just forget that happened. Please. Damn autocorrect. I'm going to bed. Love you."<br>_12:36am 1/25/12_

**To: **Blainey  
>It was just a mistake. Don't sweat it, it was just autocorrect. Love you too, honey. :)<br>_12:37am 1/25/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From: **Kurtie  
>Omg, just saw Mercedes dog's puppies. SO CUTE! But they slobbered all over me. :-\<br>_10:00am 1/28/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>Well, as least they were cute. :)<br>_10:01am 1/28/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>Yeah, I love Mercedes to death and they were so cute, but I hate it when people don't have control over their pussies. They slobber all over me, and I hate that smell and now I'm all sticky. :(<br>_10:02am 1/28/12_

**From: **Kurtie  
>OMFG! NOT PUSSSIES! PUPPIES! PUPPIES!<br>_10:02am 1/28/12_

**To: **Kurtie  
>Omg, BUAHAHAHAHA! LAUGHING SO HARD RIGHT NOW! BAUAUAUAUAH!<br>_10:03am 1/28/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>Not even sure how that happened…really am not.<br>_10:04am 1/28/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Cedes  
>Hey, Cedes!<br>_10:05pm 1/31/12_

**From:** Cedes  
>Hey Kurtie! What's up?<br>_10:06pm 1/31/12_

**To:** Cedes  
>Just got home from a date with Blaine. :-) My heart feels about ready to burst from happiness. *sighs*<br>_10:07pm 1/31/12_

**From:** Cedes  
>Awww, honey. I love Blaine. I'm so happy for you guys. I can't think of anyone more erect for you.<br>_10:07pm 1/31/12_

**To:** Cedes  
>…Please just reread what you just sent me…just, please. O_O<br>_10:08pm 1/31/12_

**From:** Cedes  
>Buahahahaha! BEST AUTOCORRECT FAIL EVER! *dead*<br>_10:09pm 1/31/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From:** Blaine Warbler  
>Well, Mike, since you're Asian, you could make Tina, like, an orgasm swan. I don't know what to do for Kurt.<br>_9:30am 2/3/12_

**From:** Blaine Warbler  
>OMG, I'M SO SORRY! IT WAS *ORIGAMI*! NOT ORGASM!<br>_9:31am 2/3/12_

**To:** Blaine Warbler  
>Hahaha, no problem man. Best autocorrect fail EVER!<br>_9:32am 2/3/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From:** Rachel Star  
>Hey, you know anything about medication?<br>_6:33am 2/7/12_

**To:** Rachel Star  
>Um…I guess…why don't you ask your dads?<br>_6:34am 2/7/12_

**From:** Rachel Star  
>They're out of town. So can you please give me any advice?<br>_6:35am 2/7/12_

**To:** Rachel Star  
>Sure, what medication for?<br>_6:36am 2/7/12_

**From:** Rachel Star  
>If you've been fucking all night.<br>_6:37am 2/7/12_

**To:** Rachel Star  
>? The day after pill?<br>_6:38am 2/7/12_

**From: **Rachel Star  
>Omg, KURT, I mean PUCKING<br>_6:39am 2/7/12_

**To:** Rachel Star  
>…What's the difference?<br>_6:40am 2/7/12_

**From:** Rachel Star  
>IT WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY PUKING! *PUKING*! Omg…<br>_6:41am 2/7/12_

**To:** Rachel Star  
>Oh great, another image I don't need.<br>_6:42am 2/7/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Finnegan  
>Sorry, Finn, out bowling with Blaine and some of the Warblers.<br>_7:30pm 2/10/12_

**From:** Finnegan  
>Oh, then go back to bowling. Lick some ass!<br>_7:31pm 2/10/12_

**To:** Finnegan  
>…Um, Finn….Excuse me?<br>_7:32pm 2/10/12_

**From:** Finnegan  
>O_O That was supposed to say "kick some ass"<br>_7:33pm 2/10/12_

**To: **Finnegan  
>….BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sooooo awkward!<br>_7:34pm 2/10/12_

**From:** Finnegan  
>I should really just stop texting<br>_7:35pm 2/10/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Dad  
>Okay, just hanging out with Rachel right now at the Lima Bean. Was going to leave in a bit.<br>_1:00pm 2/15/12_

**From:** Dad  
>Okay, Kurt. Can you bring me some lunch than?<br>_1:03pm 2/15/12_

**To:** Dad  
>Sure, just as soon as I get out of her. What do you want?<br>_1:04pm 2/15/12_

**From:** Dad  
>…Kurt…are you experimenting again? Is there something I should know?<br>_1:05pm 2/15/12_

**To: **Dad  
>WHAT? NO! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY *HERE*! Darn autocorrect on my phone! ARGH! *HERE*! Once I get out of *here*! I'm not experimenting! I HAVE BLAINE!<br>_1:06pm 2/15/12_

**From:** Dad  
>Okay, okay, I get it. That was awkward…. Anyway, about a sandwich from Subway?<br>_1:07pm 2/15/12_

**To:** Dad  
>Sounds good.<br>_1:08pm 2/15/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Asian Sex Idol Tina  
>Blaine and I say thank you for your bestiality :)<br>_5:04pm 2/15/12_

**To:** Asian Sex Idol Tina  
>OMG, that was supposed to say hospitality, not bestiality…damn autocorrect.<br>_5:05pm 2/15/12_

**From**: Asian Sex Idol Tina  
>Buahahahaha! So going on facebook. :)<br>_2:06pm 2/15/12_

**To:** Asian Sex Idol Tina  
>My life…. :\<br>_2:07pm 2/15/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Nick  
>My penis just exploded and got all over my desk.<br>_5:61pm 2/16/12_

**From:** Nick  
>TMI, Blaine, TMI<br>_5:62pm 2/16/12_

**To:** Nick  
>OMG, It was my pen! My pen! My *PEN* exploded and got *INK* all over my desk!<br>_5:63pm 2/16/12_

**From:** Nick  
>XD OMG XD XD XD XD XD XD<br>_5:64pm 2/16/12_

**From:** Nick  
>THAT WAS INSANELY HILARIOUS! H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!<br>_5:65pm 2/16/12_

**To: **Nick  
>God donut<br>_5:66pm 2/16/12_

**From:** Nick  
>HAHAHAHAHA! IT JUST GETS BETTER AND BETTTER!<br>_5:67pm 2/16/12_

**To:** Nick  
>Dammit<br>_5:68pm 2/16/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From:** Britt  
>Kurtie, Lord Tubbington fucked all over my bed. What should I do?<br>_2:10pm 2/25/12_

**To:** Britt  
>Um….He *fucked* all over your bed?<br>_2:12pm 2/25/12_

**From:** Britt  
>No, Dolphin, he puked all over my bed<br>_2:14pm 2/25/12_

**To:** Britt  
>Oh…ok….<br>_2:16pm 2/25/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Blainey  
>Sometimes I think that about going vegetarian, and then I remember that I could never give up eating children<br>_10:01pm 2/27/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Um, children?<br>_10:02pm 2/27/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Um, that was supposed to be Chicken. HOW COULD THAT EVEN HAPPEN? SERIOUSLY!<br>_10:03pm 2/17/12_

**From: **Blainey  
>Your phone turned satanic! BUAHAHAHAHAHA!<br>_10:04pm 2/17/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Yeah…I don't eat children….. :( That would be sad. And evil. But I'm cracking up right now, soo….<br>_10:05pm 2/17/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Kurtie  
>Kurt, do you ever think about living together?<br>_11:50pm 2/17/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>…*blushes* Um..Yes…all the time, admittedly. Um…I've kind of looked at dishware and furniture and decorating ideas all the time.<br>_11:51pm 2/17/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>It's okay. I love it. LOVE IT! I have a crazy idea. We should invest in something right now.<br>_11:51pm 2/17/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>Wait…you mean buy something that will go in our apartment?<br>_11:52pm 2/17/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>Yeah, is there something that you've been looking at that you really want?<br>_11:53pm 2/17/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>Yeah, right now….I saw this teapot online. It's super cute, and is Dalton colors and has music notes on it and a yellow bird and of course we can actually use it. It has matching mugs too. I know, it's stupid cause it's a tea pot, but it's adorable!<br>_11:54pm 2/17/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>*chuckles* I think you're adorable and it sounds perfect. How much is it?<br>_11:55pm 2/17/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>It's $70.00. :\<br>_11:56pm 2/17/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>It's okay. How about we go halfsies?<br>_11:57pm 2/17/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>Seriously?<br>_11:57pm 2/17/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>Yep. :) I want to do this. I want this to be for our future. The first thing we buy together. :)<br>_11:58pm 2/17/12_

**From: **Kurtie  
>Awesome! Okay! I love you!<br>_11:59pm 2/17/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>Love you too. :)<br>_12:00am 2/18/12_

**From: **Kurtie  
>And we'll get the testicles!<br>_12:01am 2/18/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>…What?<br>_12:02am 2/18/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>TEACUPS! TEACUPS, GOSH DARN IT! Stupid autocorrect. *pouts*<br>_12:03am 2/18/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>Hahaha! Wow. Well, anyway, we'll still be good!<br>_12:04am 2/18/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Blainey  
>Wait, you want to get a dog?<br>_12:24am 2/18/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Maybe yeah<br>_12:25am 2/18/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Then a condom would be better than an apartment.<br>_12:26am 2/18/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>…Okay (?)<br>_12:27am 2/18/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>GOD! IT WAS CONDO! A *CONDO!<br>_12:28am 2/18/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Oh, okay! *laughs* although getting condoms would be good, too. ;-)<br>_12:29am 2/18/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>O.M.G, Blaine. XP<br>_12:30am 2/18/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From:** Blainey  
>I'm going to fuck…in the lunch room…with all the other people…instead of going to lunch with you. :(8 *dapper sadness*<br>_12:35pm 2/24/12_

**From: **Blainey|  
>WAIT! NOT GOING TO FUCK! I'M GOING TO *LUNCH* IN THE LUNCH ROOM! GOSHDARNIT! Stupid Autocorrect! Lmao<br>_12:36pm 2/24/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Geesh, I'm sick ONE day… *sighs* And you have a dapper sadness over it! Just kidding :) Anyway are you coming to see me today? *puppy dog eyes*<br>_12:37pm 2/24/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>ARGH! Oh shut up… And of course I'm coming to see you! I can't leave you sick and alone. ;)<br>_12:38pm 2/24/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Kurtonista  
>Kurt, I need your help! I have a date with Finn and I don't know what to wear!<br>_3:06pm 2/27/12_

**From:** Kurtonista  
>What about that whore dress that you have, Rach?<br>_3:07pm 2/27/12_

**To:** Kurtonista  
>…What?<br>_3:08pm 2/27/12_

**From:** Kurtonista  
>DAMN AUTOCORRECT! That was supposed to say white…wow…can't even tell how that happened?<br>_3:09pm 2/27/12_

**To: **Kurtonista  
>Okay that makes more sense. And which white dress?<br>_3:10pm 2/27/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Trouty Mouth Sam  
>You should probably invest in a vibrating cock if you can't wake up from just an alarm.<br>_3:57pm 2/29/12_

**To:** Trouty Mouth Sam  
>CLOCK! Damn autocorrect.<br>_3:58pm 2/29/12_

**From:** Trouty Mouth Sam  
>Lmao! So going up on facebook.<br>_4:00pm 2/29/12_

**To:** Trouty Mouth Sam  
>Yes, thank you, just spread my asshole, why don't you, Sam.<br>_4:01pm 2/29/12_

**To:** Trouty Mouth Sam  
>OMFG! ASSHOLINESS! NOT ASSHOLE!<br>_4:02pm 2/29/12_

**From:** Trouty Mouth Sam  
>LMFAO! Awkward moment, Blaine, awkward moment.<br>_4:03pm 2/29/12_

**To:** Trouty Mouth Sam  
>Kurt would kill you if you even tried.<br>_4:04pm 2/29/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Blainers  
>I had toast with Nutella this morning and it was seductive.<br>_4:29pm 2/29/12_

**From:** Blainers  
>? What, Jeff?<br>_4:30pm 2/29/12_

**To:** Blainers  
>*seductive<br>_4:31pm 2/29/12_

**To:** Blainers  
>Delicate<br>_4:31pm 2/29/12_

**To:** Blainers  
>Delicious<br>_4:32pm 2/29/12_

**To:** Blainers  
>Stupid Auto caucus<br>_4:42pm 2/29/12_

**To:** Blainers  
>Auto cucumber<br>_4:42pm 2/29/12_

**To: **Blainers  
>Oh, forget it. I had Nutella on toast this morning and it was amazon<br>_4:43pm 2/2__9/12_

**To:** Blainers  
>Amazing. Oh My lord.<br>_4:43pm 2/29/12_

**From:** Blainers  
>Wow, Jeff, that was magical. Just magical.<br>_4:44pm 2/29/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From:** Noah  
>Damn it, Hummel. Think of all the time I could've spent masturbating, instead of working on the guitar part<br>_4:30pm 2/29/12_

**To: **Noah  
>Sorry, but seriously, TMI, Puck, TMI O_O<br>_4:31pm 2/29/12_

**From:** Noah  
>That was supposed to say mastering sleep, not masturbating…shit.<br>_4:32pm 2/29/12_

**To:** Noah  
>Oh. Damn autocorrect, huh? Heh heh.<br>_4:33pm 2/29/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Kurtie  
>Hey, my cunt is humming and she wants to meet you. :)<br>_4:50pm 2/29/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>Oh my lord, my cunt is coming<br>_4:51pm 2/29/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>My AUNT is roaming<br>_4:51pm 2/29/12_

**To: **Kurtie  
>Ferret<br>_4:51pm 2/29/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>Grrrr<br>_4:52pm 2/29/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>GOD DAMSEL!<br>_4:52pm 2/29/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>That's it, I'm done.<br>_4:53pm 2/29/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>Omg, nice try, honey. What were you trying to say?<br>_4:54pm 2/29/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>What I was going to say, was that my aunt is coming to town and she wants to meet you. God, it's been a day full of autocorrect fails. Must be because it's Leap Year.<br>_4:55pm 2/29/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>Tell me about it. Must be because it's Leap Year. And I'd love to meet your aunt. :)<br>_4:56pm 2/29/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Blainey  
>Can you lick me up to go the movies? :)<br>_6:30pm 3/4/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Lick you up?<br>_6:31pm 3/4/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Puke me up, not lick me up.<br>_6:32pm 3/4/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>So know I'm puking you up. XD Buahahahahahaha!<br>_6:33pm 3/4/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Oh my god, I meant, can you pick me up? Lmao.<br>_6:34pm 3/4/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Sure, I'd love to pick you up. Be there soon. Maybe then there can be licking involved. ;P<br>_6:35pm 3/4/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Suuure, maybe. XP<br>_6:36pm 3/4/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Wait…did you mean that sarcastically or what?<br>_6:37pm 3/4/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Seriously, Kurt.<br>_6:38pm 3/4/12_

* * *

><p><strong>Me:<strong> BUAHAHAHA! These crack me up! Panini! AHAAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Blaine:** Oh shut up! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

**Kurt:** Like the me eating children thing! COMPLETELY AN ACCIDENT!

**Me:** BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STILL DOESN'T STOP IT FROM BEING HILARIOUS!

**Kurt/Blaine:** OH SHUT UP!

**Me:** WHY, YOU'RE ERECT FOR EACH OTHER!

**Kurt/Blaine:** …This is just getting awkward…

**Me:** Woooh, *wipes eyes* Anyway, I'm think of doing a sequel if I have enough of a response, so yeah. :) Review and let me know how I did. And always, always, be careful of autocorrect. It's deadly. *serious*

**Kurt/Blaine:***le sigh* it is though.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own Glee, any of the actors on Glee, any of the characters on Glee, or any of the songs on Glee that I may mention below. (I do own really awesome merchandise though) I also do not own Damn You Autocorrect . Com which is where I got the ideas for some of these.

**Me**: Let me first start off by saying: Thanks for the great response to this story. I've gotten so much love that I've finally done a second chapter and will probably keep going as I get the time. So glad I make you laugh so much. And it seems the Panini was the most popular one. That was my fave too. ;)

Second of all:

Dear BowtiesandScarves, I feel so bad because I do not have a facebook account. (It's about the only thing I don't have…) So I can't friend you on there *dapper sadness* I might be getting one soon, but until then, I hope you see this and if you do, then just review under your same name (BowtiesandScarves, which I love) and tell me if there's any other way I can contact you. :) I you're your pain. I live in one of the most homophobic towns probably ever, and so Glee's pretty much banned. Except for in my house. I would love to be your friend, so let's hope this works out like I'm hoping it will.

**Kurt:** Awww, that's sweet.

**Me:** I feel bad that she said fb and that's like the one account I do NOT have. :(

**Blaine:** It's still very considerate.

**Me:** Danke (Thank you in German) Noooow, moving on….Ready to be humiliated again?

**Kurt:** -.- if we say no, will it really make a difference?

**Me:** Um…no, not really.

**Blaine:** …Then why ask?

**Me:** I was being polite.

**Blaine:** How considerate, in a weird, twisted way

**Kurt:** *bitch glare*

**Me:** *bitch glare back*

**Blaine: ***stays away from bitch glares*

**Me:** Anyway, let's get this going and begin with a bang! HA! That's kind of a pun.

**Kurt: **…Wait, what?

**Me:** You'll see….

* * *

><p><strong>To: <strong>Blainey  
>Hey, babe, what are you doing?<br>_11:01pm 6/9/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Just sitting in bed, looking at penis. You?<br>_11:03 6/9/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>*raises eyebrow* Whoa, hon. Need some attention or is it leaning or something?<br>_11:04 6/9/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>PINTEREST!<br>_11:06 6/9/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Um…pinterest. That's nice…<br>_11:07 6/9/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>No, I mean, I was looking at pinterest. Not my penis. *headdesk* Stupid autocorrect.<br>_11:08 6/9/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Although, I'd still take that attention ;D<br>_11:09 6/9/12_

**To: **Blainey  
>Think you can sneak out? We can meet halfway, and do it in the car if you want. ;P<br>_11:10 6/9/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Sounds good. See you soon.<br>_11:11 6/9/12_

**To:** Blaine  
>Wait…seriously?<br>_11:12 6/9/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From:** Jeff  
>Hey! What's up? You up to meeting with Nick and me right now?<br>_2:30pm 6/11/12_

**To:** Jeff  
>Sorry, can't :\<br>Hanging with the hubby ;D  
><em>2:31 611/12_

**From:** Jeff  
>…Hubby? Seriously? YOU ARE NOT MARRIED!<br>_2:32 6/11/12_

**To:** Jeff  
>But I plan on marrying Kurt in the future so why can I not call him hubby?<br>_2:33 6/11/12_

**From:** Jeff  
>Well, that's true. You are basically attached at the hip anyway. It's cute I guess. :P So, what are you guys doing anyway?<br>_2:34 6/11/12_

**To:** Jeff  
>Watching hard potter. :D<br>_2:35 6/11/12_

**To:** Jeff  
>HARRY potter. We're watching Harry Potter together.<br>_2:36 6/11/12_

**From: **Jeff  
>Wow, that sounded like the best porno on earth there for a while. :D<br>_2:37 6/11/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From:** Blainey  
>Thank you for the coffee and breakfast today! It was delicious! ;) Love you! *kisses*<br>_12:30pm 6/13/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>*kisses back* Thanks. I love you too.<br>_12:31 6/13/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>I left you some tools and coffee, if you want any.<br>_12:32 6/13/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>What kind of tools are we talking about here? *raises eyebrow*<br>_12:33 6/13/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>ROLLS. I left you some rolls. No, Kurt, I just left some vibrators for you, that's all. XD<br>_12:34 6/13/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>As my dad almost picks up my phone and reads that. *dies from embarrassment*<br>_12:35 6/15/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>…Wait…Seriously? Oh shit.<br>_12:36 6/15/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From: **Kurtie  
>Finally trying out the dick tasting app on my phone, so sorry for any typos. ;)<br>_5:06 6/20/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>…do you mean dictation app?<br>_5:07 6/20/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>Yeah…not dick tasting. Dictation. Damn autocorrect.<br>_5:08 6/20/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>Wouldn't want you tasting any other dick except for mine.<br>_5:09 6/20/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>Lmao. Funny, but true.<br>_5:10pm 6/20/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Blainey  
>How's your b-day been so far, babe?<br>_10:45am 6/25/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Been awesome! I got fries and eggs for breakfast! WITH KETCHUP ON THE FRIES!<br>_10:47am 6/25/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Wow…that sounds healthy…how did you even get that?<br>_10:48am 6/25/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Oh, shush, it was delicious. My grandmother's home, so I made a sexual request and she granted it.<br>_10:49am 6/25/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>SPECIAL request. I made a *special* request.<br>_10:49am 6/25/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>I don't know how I would feel about the sexual request one. Just don't know how I'd feel about that one. O_O<br>_10:53am 6/25/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>I don't know how I'd feel about it *No-I-Would-Feel-Violated*<p>

_10:55am 6/25/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From:** Cedes  
>I got a penis today! :) It felt really good. I really needed it after the all-day babysitting job yesterday.<br>_2:10pm 6/27/12_

**To:** Cedes  
>…I really don't….even…know how to respond to that. *scared*<br>_2:11pm 6/27/12_

**From:** Cedes  
>Oh, calm down, Mr. I'll-Just-Accidentaly-Send-You-A-Sext-That-Was-Meant-For-My-Boyfriend. At least mine was an autocorrect mistake that was meant to say "pedi". XP You can't even use autocorrect as an excuse as to why the word penis was in yours. *raises eyebrows*<br>_2:13pm 6/27/12_

**To:** Cedes  
>…You're never going to let that go are you?<br>_2:14pm 6/27/12_

**From:** Cedes  
>No, I'm really not. ;) Did you ever tell Blaine?<br>_2:16pm 6/27/12_

**To:** Cedes  
>Yeah. He cracked up. Then I slapped him. ;P<br>_2:17pm 6/27/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Jeff  
>Hey, Jeff! We haven't talked for a while! What's new?<br>_4:45pm 6/28/12_

**From:** Jeff  
>Oh, hey Kurt! Well, I was playing with a new cock my dad just bought and it broke.<br>_4:53pm 6/28/12_

**To:** Jeff  
>Ummmmmmmm<br>_4:55pm 6/28/12_

**From:** Jeff  
>OMG, I'm sorry. That was supposed to say *clit* not cock<br>_4:56pm 6/28/12_

**To:** Jeff

_4:57pm 6/28/12_

**From:** Jeff  
>Um…*clock* please excuse the horrible autocorrect that has now failed twice. I was playing with a new *CLOCK* my dad bought and it broke. Not a cock, and not a clit, a clock.<br>_4:59pm 6/28/12_

**From:** Jeff  
>Hello? Kurt? Lmfao<br>_5:03pm 6/28/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Tina Cohen-Chang  
>Thanks so much for helping to watch Harry while Kurt and I are gone this weekend! I really appreciate it! :) We just really needed some time together and it's been fun just being alone in Dayton and spending time on our own for once.<br>_3:02pm 6/30/12_

**From:** Tina Cohen-Chang  
>No problem, Blaine :) You guys have fun. Where are you staying again?<br>_3:04pm 6/30/12_

**To:** Tina Cohen-Chang  
>We got a room at the Dayton Grand Hotel. Both of our parents agreed to help pay for it as a graduation present of some sorts.<br>_3:05pm 6/30/12_

**From:** Tina Cohen-Chang  
>Oh, nice! One bed? :o *le gasp*<br>_3:06pm 6/30/12_

**To:** Tina Cohen-Chang  
>Yeah *blushes*<br>_3:07pm 6/30/12_

**From:** Tina Cohen-Chang  
>Well, have fun, boys. ;) And don't worry; I think your chinchilla is warming up to me. Last night, Harry just humped in my lap a bunch of times and even let me hold him.<br>_3:10pm 6/30/12_

**To:** Tina Cohen-Chang  
>Haha, I think you misspelled something there…<br>_3:13pm 6/30/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From: **Blainey  
>Hey! My aunt loved the Chicken Marsala you made last night! *so proud* :) She wants to know how to make it. Do you mind telling me and I'll forward it to her?<br>_10:02am 7/2/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Really? Aww, tell her thanks. :) Okay. Instructions. It's just dredged in flour and cooked in butter, oil, and wine. And sprinkled with freshly ground black people.<br>_10:05am 7/2/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>OMG! NOOOOO! It's sprinkled with freshly ground black pepper. Not black people. That's horrible.<br>_10:06am 7/2/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Whoa there, Kurt! Lmfao.<br>_10:08am 7/2/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From:** Mom  
>Hey, I packed you and Kurt some lunch for this afternoon! :)<br>_11:33am 7/4/12_

**To: **Mom  
>Oh, thanks! :D<br>_11:35am 7/4/12_

**From:** Mom  
>Just don't shake your dicks, or they'll explode everywhere.<br>_11:36am 7/4/12_

**From:** Mom  
>DRINKS! Don't shake your drinks or they'll explode. Oh god.<br>_11:38am 7/4/12_

**To:** Mom  
>Omg. Haha, okay.<br>_11:39am 7/4/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Mike Dancer Chang  
>What's up, Mike?<br>_6:20pm 7/6/12_

**From**: Mike Dancer Chang  
>Just hanging with Puck and Finn, eating sloppy hoes<br>_6:23 7/6/12_

**To:** Mike Dancer Chang  
>Yeah…nothing like sloppy hoes in the evening….*awkward* Does Tina know about this? ;P<br>_6:24 7/6/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From: **Kurtonista  
>Ugh! Just swallowed cum from a blowjob.<br>_3:44pm 7/10/12_

**To:** Kurtonista  
>WHOA there Kurt! TMI!<br>_3:46pm 7/10/12_

**From:** Kurtonista  
>HAHAHA! WORST autocorrect fail of my life, Rach.<br>_3:48pm 7/10/12_

**From: **Kurtonista  
>I meant, I swallowed gum from a blowpop.<br>_3:51pm 7/10/12_

**To:** Kurtonista  
>Buahahaha! Oh-kay. Just be careful there!<br>_3:53pm 7/10/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Blainey  
>I wish we had millions of dildos and could just sit around all day with our feet up in the air doing only what makes us happy.<br>_2:20pm 7/11/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Um…dollars.<br>_2:21pm 7/11/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>O_O<br>_2:22pm 7/11/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Kurtie  
>My dad broke his arm. :\<br>_7:39pm 7/13/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>OHMYGOD! Is he ok? What happened?<br>_7:40pm 7/13/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>He slipped and fell off the black dick<br>_7:41pm 7/13/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>The black dick I mean<br>_7:41pm 7/13/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>The back dick<br>_7:42pm 7/13/12_

**From:** Kurtie  
>Um…do you mean back deck? Why would your dad be riding a black dick? O.O<br>_7:43pm 7/13/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>Yes black dick. Passed out now on pain killers<br>_7:44pm 7/13/12_

**From: **Kurtie  
>…O.o<br>_7:45pm 7/13/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To: **Blainey  
>Baby, Friday needs to get here sooner so I can come meet up with you at your family reunion. I miss you. :\<br>_1:01am 7/20/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>I know! I can't wait until I can finally introduce you to everyone as my boyfriend.<br>_1:03am 7/20/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Me too. I mean, this is basically all I've done since you've left:<p>

1. think about you everyday, all day

2. talk about you constantly

3. cried twice since you've left

4. wait for you to call so I can hear your voice again.

5. count the hours till Friday

6. smell one of my shits that smells like you.  
>Creepy. I know.<br>_1:05am 7/20/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>SHIRTS! OMG!<br>_1:06am 7/20/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Aww, baby. :) That's basically all I've done since I've left too. (not smelling shits though. Just a shirt) ;D<br>_1:08am 7/20/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Blainey  
>Someone just threw their cock at me while I was walking to my car…<br>_3:53pm 7/23/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Um…okay…they what?<br>_3:54pm 7/23/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>They threw their stinky cock at me. It smelt and was yellow. I wanna puke!<br>_3:55pm 7/23/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>You mean they threw a dildo at you? WHAT THE FUCK?<br>_3:56pm 7/23/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>SOCK! Oh god, they threw their sock at me. Not a dildo…<br>_3:57pm 7/23/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Oh…ok…um…haha, still don't know how to respond to that though.<br>_3:59pm 7/23/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From:** Kurtie  
>Aaaah! My dad just facefucked me! I will never be the same!<br>_6:38pm 7/25/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>…I'm worried on so many levels.<br>_6:40pm 7/25/12_

**From: **Kurt  
>OMG! HE FACEBOOKED ME! Not facefucked me. Oh lordie.<br>_6:43pm 7/25/12_

**To:** Kurtie  
>Oh, okay. I feel better now. ^_^<br>_6:45pm 7/23/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Kurtsie  
>It's just so hard to eat right, now a days.<br>_8:27pm 7/26/12_

**From:** Kurtsie  
>I know, Mercedes. I feel ya. Just remember though: an asshole a day keeps the doctor away. :)<br>_8:28pm 7/26/12_

**To:** Kurtsie  
>Wow. That's awesome advice Kurt. ;P<br>_8:29pm 7/26/12_

**From: **Kurtsie  
>An APPLE a day, keeps the doctor erect.<br>_8:30pm 7/26/12_

**From:** Kurtsie  
>AWAY!<br>_8:30pm 7/26/12_

**To:** Kurtsie  
>This is so being my status on facebook. :D<br>_8:31pm 7/26/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Asian Sex Idol Tina ;P  
>DAMN IT!<br>_4:54pm 7/30/12_

**To:** Asian Sex Idol Tina ;P  
>I just drove an hour with Blaine to the only store that sells our favorite salsa and they didn't have any!<br>_4:54pm 7/30/12_

**To:** Asian Sex Idol Tina ;P  
>My weekend is SHATNERED!<br>_4:55pm 7/30/12_

**From:** Asian Sex Idol Tina ;P  
>Hahahahahahahahaha! Shatnered? I'm so tempted to send a pic of Shatner right now.<br>_4:57pm 7/30/12_

**To:** Asian Sex Idol Tina ;P  
>It was actually supposed to say shattered, but I have said shatnered before. :P<br>_4:58pm 7/30/12_

**From:** Asian Sex Idol Tina ;P  
>Best word ever! :)<br>_4:59pm 7/30/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From:** Jeff  
>I'm so tired from weed, Blaine, but my mum makes me do it. I hate it.<br>_11:35pm 7/31/12_

**From:** Jeff  
>OMG, wedding! Not weed!<br>_11:35pm 7/31/12_

**From:** Jeff  
>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WEEDING! NOT WEDDING! AND NOT WEED! DAMN AUTOCORRECT!<br>_11:36pm 7/31/12_

**From:** Jeff  
>Hello? Blaine?<br>_11:40pm 7/31/12_

**From:** Jeff

_11:42pm 7/31/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From: **Dad  
>Just one more beer than we're lesbian. See you soon Kurt.<br>_8:30pm 8/4/12_

**From:** Dad  
>We're leaving. Sorry. It's that damn autocorrect thing on my phone. I hate it.<br>_8:32pm 8/4/12_

**To:** Dad  
>Haha, everybody hates autocorrect, dad. :) Anyway, take your time. Blaine and I are both glad that our parents are getting along so well. But we'll see you soon I guess. :)<br>_8:34pm 8/4/12_

**From:** Dad  
>Yeah, well, Rabbi's a nice guy once you realize he really is trying his best with you two.<br>_8:37pm 8/4/12_

**To:** Dad  
>I'm going to assume you mean Robert, as I don't remember Blaine's dad being a rabbi….See you soon. Love you dad.<br>_8:38pm 8/4/12_

**From:** Dad  
>Yeah. Robert. Love you too. And I still hate autocorrect.<br>_8:39pm 8/4/12_

**To:** Dad  
>I know you do. I know.<br>_8:40pm 8/4/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Rachel Star  
>Going out with Blaine tonight! He's going to show me his family's cock! Super excited! :)<br>_7:36pm 8/8/12_

**From:** Rachel Star  
>That's…um…just a little too much information Kurt…and I'm just slightly confused.<br>_7:38pm 8/8/12_

**To:** Rachel Star  
>OMG! NOOOOOO! DAMN AUTOCORRECT! HE'S SHOWING ME HIS FAMILY'S DOCK! They have a sailboat and he's going to show it to me….that was awkward.<br>_7:39pm 8/8/12_

**From:** Rachel Star  
>Oh, good. I was wondering what the whole "family's cock" thing would entail…<br>_7:43pm 8/8/12_

**To:** Rachel Star  
>…I just don't want to think about that right now.<br>_7:48pm 8/8/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From:** Wes  
>Man, my dad just yelled at me about coming home late. DAMN IT! Sometimes, I swear, I remember him hitting me when I was a little kid whenever I broke rules or talked back.<br>_9:04pm 8/11/12_

**To:** Wes  
>I know how you feel. My dad used to whip out his dick and start waving it around whenever I talked back.<br>_9:06pm 8/11/12_

**From:** Wes  
>Um…you were sexually abused as a child?<br>_9:10pm 8/11/12_

**To:** Wes  
>WHAT? NO! STICK! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY STICK NOT DICK!<br>_9:11pm 8/11/12_

**To:** Wes  
>So no, I was not sexually abused as a child. I was not abused at all. And I suspect neither were you.<br>_9:14pm 8/11/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Artie  
>Blaine and I were wondering: Your ringtone is the death march from Star Wars right?<br>_12:49pm 8/13/12_

**To:** Artie  
>I mean fatty vader's theme<br>_12:50pm 8/13/12_

**To:** Artie  
>LMFAO! Fatty= Darth<br>_12:53pm 8/13/12_

**From:** Artie  
>Fatty Vader? Haha. That's what the kids in Jedi school called him before he started that south beach diet. Nice, Klaine. Nice.<br>_12:56pm 8/13/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To: **Cooper  
>So…the la dazzlers came and did the barbecue game…<br>_11:37am 8/16/12_

**From:** Cooper  
>What the hell?<br>_11:38am 8/16/12_

**To:** Cooper  
>Wow…none of that happened.<br>_11:41am 8/16/12_

**To:** Cooper  
>The *landscapers* came and did the *backyard again*<br>_11:42am 8/16/12_

**To:** Cooper  
>Mom convinced dad to.<br>_11:44am 8/16/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Kurtsie  
>:) What are your plans for today then?<br>_12:28am 8/17/12_

**From:** Kurtsie  
>Nothing beyond seeing you dead :) xx<br>_12:29am 8/17/12_

**From:** Kurtsie  
>DEAR! I don't want to see you dead.<br>_12:29am 8/17/12_

**To:** Kurtsie  
>Um, nice to know. ;P<br>_12:30am 8/17/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Blainey  
>It was supposed to say can you look up the schedule for Richmond Sam auto correct erections<br>_9:45pm 8/20/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Wtf? I swear this boner is evil sometimes. D:<br>_9:46pm 8/20/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Um…I don't quite understand. Who is Richmond Sam? And what the hell is going on?<br>_9:47pm 8/20/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Never find I'll call your in a few to egg salad what I mean<br>_9:49pm 8/20/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Um….Sure.<br>_9:51pm 8/20/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From:** Cedes  
>I need anal. But I just can't take one for 15 minutes like Sam. I have to have like 2 hours. It's just not going to happen.<br>_12:52pm 8/20/12_

**To:** Cedes  
>Haha…what? ^_^;<br>_12:54pm 8/20/12_

**From:** Cedes  
>Seriously iPhone? Grilled cheesus, I leave one space out and suddenly my boyfriend's gay and I like anal. I need a NAP<br>_12:57pm 8/20/12_

**To:** Cedes  
>That was awkward…..heh heh….was about to ask if Sam was bi…haha O_O<br>_1:00pm 8/20/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From:** Carole  
>Well, there's a deal on black kids at the highland store. Do you mind picking some up when you and Blaine head here?<br>_1:55pm 8/22/12_

**To:** Carole  
>What? Haha…<br>_1:56pm 8/22/12_

**From:** Carole  
>Oh, sweet Jesus, I meant baby back ribs. Lol<br>_1:57pm 8/22/12_

**To:** Carole  
>Oh…ok. That makes more sense. lol<br>_1:59pm 8/22/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To: **Kurt :)  
>Hey, Babe! What do you think: mashed potatoes or bitchgobblet potatoes tonight?<br>_5:40pm 8/22/12_

**To:** Kurt :)  
>Whaaaaat the fuuuck?<br>_5:40pm 8/22/12_

**To:** Kurt :)  
>Omg, butthurt lol lol lol lol ^_^<br>_5:41pm 8/22/12_

**To: **Kurt :)  
>Bitthurt<br>_5:42pm 8/22/12_

**To:** Kurt :)  
>Uggghhhh. B-U-T-T-E-R-E-D!<br>_5:43pm 8/22/12_

**To:** Kurt :)  
>Oh Screw dinner. Let's just fuck. ;) Love you Nicky.<br>_5:44pm 8/22/12_

**From:** Kurt :)

_5:46pm 8/22/12_

**From: **Kurt :)  
>Jeff, are you drunk?<br>_5:47pm 8/22/12_

**From:** Kurt :)  
>You've seriously just texted me all of that. Not your boyfriend. 0_0<br>_5:48pm 8/22/12_

**To:** Kurt :)  
>…Oh, yeah…I totally did…Um…sorry…and no…I'm sober. Sorry, Kurt.<br>_5:50pm 8/22/12_

**From:** Kurt :)  
>Um, yeah…well…have fun with Nick.<br>_5:53pm 8/22/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Blainey  
>Guess what?<br>_9:47pm 8/24/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Yeah, what's up?<br>_9:49pm 8/24/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Okay: We're having a summer, post-graduation get together of the Nude Erections. It would be the best time to announce that you have put a ring on it ;) Everyone is going to be there.<br>_9:50pm 8/24/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>Um…Kurt…I get the gist and I think that's a fabulous idea as I can't wait to announce to the WORLD that I am engaged to you :D xoxo<br>But…uh….notice what the New Directions turned into…  
><em>9:51pm 824/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Oh, god. That's not what I meant to say…it sounds like a group of male strippers. *shudder*<br>_9:52pm 8/24/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>You're right. It kind of does. XD But I love the plan otherwise.<br>_9:53pm 8/24/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Blaine McHobbit Anderson  
>Uugggh…my allergies are kicking my ass yoda.<br>_5:17pm 8/25/12_

**From:** Blaine McHobbit Anderson  
>Yoda lol Sam<br>_5:18pm 8/25/12_

**To:** Blaine McHobbit Anderson  
>Wtf? *today not yoda<br>_5:19pm 8/25/12_

**From:** Blaine McHobbit Anderson  
>The allergies are strong with this one. Take Claritin he must.<br>_5:20pm 8/25/12_

**To:** Blaine McHobbit Anderson  
>OMG! *dying* that was brilliant dude!<br>_5:21pm 8/25/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Blainey  
>Come over! I miss you! :( I want my fiancé!<br>_11:49pm 8/27/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>I can't! I'm too fat and it's so late! D:<br>_11:50pm 8/27/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>…I thought you had a gym membership<br>_11:51pm 8/27/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>Guess it's time to start using that.<br>_11:51pm 8/27/12_

**From:** Blainey  
>*far away. I'm too far away…wait, what?<br>_11:53pm 8/27/12_

**To:** Blainey  
>…what?<br>_11:54pm 8/27/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**From:** Jeffery  
>Klaine! I hereby demand to know if you guys are coming to Nick's surprise orgy!<br>_4:55pm 8/28/12_

**To:** Jeffery  
>Sorry, we've decided to keep away from any group sexual things. We like sex with just the two of us as participants.<br>_4:57pm 8/28/12_

**From:** Jeffery  
>That was supposed to say party, and –WAIT- SERIOUSLY? NO THREESOMES? NO FOURSOMES WITH ME AND NICKEY? EVEN IF WE BEG? And we will beg. -_-<br>_4:58pm 8/28/12_

**To:** Jeffery  
>O.o<br>_5:01pm 8/28/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Kurt  
>Getting late. You heading home?<br>_12:49am 8/29/12_

**From:** Kurt  
>Yeah…do you think it'd be okay if I stayed with Blaine tonight?<br>_12:50am_ _8/29/12_

**To:** Kurt  
>…Yeah.<br>_12:51am 8/29/12_

**From: **Kurt  
>Is it really okay? If it's not, Blaine can bring me home. He doesn't mind.<br>_12:52am 8/29/12_

**To:** Kurt  
>It's fine. You guys are engaged now. I expect you to want to spend the night together…just…be safe and respectful.<br>_12:54am 8/29/12_

**From:** Kurt  
>DAD! Oh my god… *dying of embarrassment* Anyway, you're usually not up this late. What's going on?<br>_12:55am 8/29/12_

**To:** Kurt  
>Carole and I are just finishing a movie and then going to hit the gay.<br>_12:56am 8/29/12_

**From:** Kurt  
>…You sure you're really okay with me staying the night at Blaine's? Should I be worried?<br>_12:58am 8/29/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Blaine  
>Being engaged does not make you an adult! I hope you realize that! I DID NOT give you permission to take my car OR TAKE that money out of my purse! You need to realize that you are still living under this roof and despite being 18 and engaged, we are still your parents and you must answer to us! Blaine, you've really disappointed us. I doubt you're going to enjoy having to tell Kurt that you're grounded because you did this and won't be able to go out with him this weekend.<br>_5:02pm 8/31/12_

**From:** Blaine  
>MOM!<br>_5:03pm 8/31/12_

**To:** Blaine  
>I don't want to hear it! You are going to be in serious deep throating when your father gets home!<br>_5:05pm 8/31/12_

**From:** Blaine  
>Ew, that's disgusting mum.<br>_5:06pm 8/31/12_

**To:** Blaine  
>DEEP TROUBLE<br>_5:08pm 8/31/12_

**From:** Blaine  
>Sorry.<br>_5:09pm 8/31/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Nick  
>Yes. I've already discovered this. When you sat on me. With. Your. Ass. -.-<br>_12:43pm 9/1/12_

**From:** Nick  
>See my ass is super toned and perfectly tanned. That's why I'm so good.<br>_12:44pm 9/1/12_

**To:** Nick  
>I kind of miss the perfectly tanned part BECAUSE YOU WERE WEARING PANTS!<br>_12:45pm 9/1/12_

**From:** Nick  
>Oh yeah. That's sad. I worked really hard to get it rammed.<br>_12:46pm 9/1/12_

**From:** Nick  
>Tanned*<br>Dammit.  
><em>12:47pm 91/12_

**To:** Nick  
>BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! KARMA!<br>(BTW, Blaine just looked over my shoulder at the conversation and asked what the hell we were talking about. XD )  
><em>12:48pm 91/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Finnegan  
>I got hit in the eye by a softball earlier today thanks to the Warblers. I need you to bring me Ibuprofin because my head hurts<br>_8:59pm 9/3/12_

**To:** Finnegan  
>There's a blood spot on my eye. Ewww<br>_9:00pm 9/3/12_

**From:** Finnegan  
>You need a stiff dick.<br>_9:01pm 9/3/12_

**From:** Finnegan  
>DRINK….I MEANT DRINK<br>_9:02pm 9/3/12_

**To:** Finnegan

Holy Shit.  
><em>9:03pm 93/12_

**From:** Finnegan  
>…Did you just curse?<br>_9:04pm 9/3/12_

**Damn You Autocorrect!**

**To:** Kurt :)  
>OMG! The Nazis have really progressed in population and nest expansion! :D<br>_6:20am 9/4/12_

**To:** Kurt :)  
>WASPS! PAPER WASPS! LOL. I sure hope that Nazis don't build nests made of saliva and wood fiber…. DX lololo<br>_6:28am 9/4/12_

**From:** Kurt :)  
>Lol, nice Jeff<br>_1:19pm 9/4/12_

* * *

><p><strong>Me:<strong> Buahahaha! I think…my fave is the whole, "I swallowed the cum from a blowjob, I MEAN I swallowed the gum from a blowpop one." It cracked me up! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Kurt** *hides face in shame*

**Blaine:** Um….awkward.

**Me:** I know. Can't help but love it. I love writing this. It's so hilarious. :D

**Blaine:** Glad you get humor out of torturing us.

**Me:** Yeah, that's about right.

**Kurt: ***still hiding face in shame*

**Me:** Awww, so cute and innocent.

**Kurt: ** *growls*

**Me:** ANYWAY, please review! Love you!


End file.
